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Your task is to rework this paragraph, polishing it until it becomes a flawless, sparkling gem of expository prose. Your revised paragraph should communicate the same basic information as this paragraph: it should identify Price and her essay and explain the concept of the mango body whip story, placing the concept in the context of her overall argument for a new kind of nature writing. In the revised paragraph, however, the quotations from Price shouldn’t look plunked down; they should connect gracefully to the rest of the paragraph. Your revised paragraph should employ a combination of paraphrase and selective quotation in order to communicate Price’s ideas to the reader, so that you’re not just quoting huge chunks of her essay undigested, but choosing what’s important and putting some of her ideas into your own words. Rewrite the sentences and move things around so that the sentences flow nicely and you communicate the requisite information as efficiently as possible.

PARAGRAPH:

Jenny Price is a journalist. She wrote an essay called Thirteen Ways of Seeing Nature in L.A. She talks about something she calls a mango body whip story. “Soon after I moved to L.A., a woman who ran into my car while it was parked on the USC campus left a note on the back of a receipt for a mango body whip, which she’d purchased at SkinMarket at the Beverly Center mall.” She says, “Nature stories abound in such an encounter.” She follows the mangoes “you can tell an intricate set of stories as farm workers harvest mangoes in rural Mexico, and drivers truck them into the L.A. area and into the SkinMarket factory in Simi Valley—just over the L.A. County line—where workers use industrial technologies to turn them into skin butter, and distributors transport them to upscale malls like the Beverly Center, and shoppers cart them away to bathrooms in adjacent Beverly Hills and West Hollywood and to other places throughout the country.” She writes, “Mango body whip stories, in other words, look for and follow the nature we use, and watch it move in and out of the city, to track specifically how we transform natural resources into the mountains of stuff with which we literally build cities and sustain our urban lives.” This point is very important in her essay. It connects to her overall argument that we should not keep writing the same old nature stories and that we should have a new kind of nature writing. Mango body whip stories can be about anything.

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